Woah, tiger! We see that you have your eye on a certain trans femme and you’re feeling brave enough to make a move. That’s awesome! But before you get out there, there are some important things to understand about how to get your game on with a trans woman.
Flirting can be hard enough as it is if you don’t have much experience, but it can be even more intimidating to approach someone who is trans. But don’t worry — we’re here to help you out with 10 tips & tricks for how to flirt with a trans woman!
10. Don’t see her as a fetish or fantasy
Unfortunately, the trans community is often seen as a target for fetishization or sexual fantasy. If you are interested in someone who is trans, it’s important to remember that they are a human being and should be treated with respect.
Flirting isn’t just about physical attraction — communication is key. Have conversations with her, talk about mutual interests, and show genuine appreciation towards who she is as a whole person. She’s more than just a transgender woman that straight men look at as sex objects.
9. Treat her as an equal
When you’re flirting with a trans woman, it’s important to remember that she is just as valuable, capable, and worthy of good treatment as any other straight woman. Treat her like an equal and don’t assume that she needs extra care just because she’s trans.
Never imply that she’s less than any cis woman. Treat her with respect and empathy, as you would any other person. Think about how you would want to be treated whether you’re a trans man, straight guy, or gay.
8. Don’t rush toward getting laid
It’s okay to admit that sex is something to look forward to in any dating scenario. It’s the truth. But don’t make it your only goal when flirting with a trans woman.
Take your time and get to know her before you start talking about what happens when the lights go out. Show her that you care about who she is as a person, not just what she can do for you in the bedroom. Respect her boundaries and be patient — the rest will happen naturally.
7. Ask normal questions
“Do you still pee standing up?” “Is it true that you have a penis?” We want you to take a step back and answer this one yourself. Do you honestly think these are appropriate or polite questions to ask a trans woman when you’re flirting?
If the answer is no (which is the only right answer), then stick to normal topics of conversation. Ask her about her favorite movies and books, where she grew up, what kind of music she likes, etc. Show her that you’re interested in getting to know who she is as a person.
6. Don’t use them as Google. They are not your trans search engine
Curiosity is understandable, but don’t ask a trans woman questions that you can easily find the answers to online. Most of us understand that people have questions, so don’t be shy about asking if you want to know something. But if it’s something you could quickly Google search yourself, then do the research first and make sure not to put her in an uncomfortable situation.
Keep in mind that many trans people have to answer ignorant and invasive questions all the time, but that doesn’t mean you can put her on the spot. You’ll just end up making her feel like you’re more fascinated in her being trans than in getting to know the person.
5. Don’t say ‘You don’t look trans’
What exactly do you mean when you say this? What are you trying to achieve with this? By saying this, you’re basically implying that trans people have a certain look or appearance that differs from cisgender people.
“Woah, you can’t be trans. You’re too gorgeous!” may sound like a compliment to you, but it is, in fact, not. This kind of statement is not only offensive but it’s also rooted in transphobia and ignorance. Avoid making assumptions about someone’s identity based on their physical appearance. A lot of cis women don’t look traditionally feminine either. Just focus on the most interesting things about them.
4. Avoid the word ‘trans’ altogether
Using the word “trans” to refer to someone can be triggering. Many transgender women have had really bad experiences with being referred to as “trans,” so try not to use this word when you’re flirting with a trans woman. Instead of saying “I’m attracted to trans girls,” say something like “I’m attracted to women like you.”
You don’t have to bring it up every five seconds, but if the topic comes up, make sure to be sensitive with your words and language. Avoid using trigger words and phrases like “transsexual” or “born a man.”
3. Flirt like you would with any other girl
Trans women are women. That’s that. So why should you treat them differently from other women? When flirting with a trans woman, make sure to put your focus on her as an individual — not just as someone who is transgender.
Flirt like you would with any other girl. Compliment her sense of style, ask about her day, laugh at her jokes, tell her she looks beautiful — all the things you would do when flirting with a cisgender woman. She’s not any different from every other woman out there, so don’t treat her like she is.
2. Don’t ask questions about the surgery
It’s weird and creepy to ask someone about something so personal. No matter how curious you may be, it’s simply not appropriate. So refrain from asking questions about her surgery or anything that might make her feel uncomfortable.
If she wants to talk about it, she will bring it up herself — and then you can engage in a respectful conversation about the topic if you want. But other than that, it’s best to leave the subject alone.
1. Just enjoy and have fun
Flirting and going on dates should be a fun experience! So relax and try to enjoy the moment. Don’t take it too seriously and don’t overthink it. That might be the reason why you’re having a hard time showing your true intentions.
As long as you’re a good person and you treat her with respect, she will know that you’re into her. So just take it easy and be yourself. Make eye contact, use your body language, and enjoy some sexy flirting!
Still here? Be careful, you might be a flirting master by now! Go out there and get to know some trans women — you’re sure to have a great time. Now go forth, flirter! You’ve got this.
